I’d like to preface this by telling, this was in no way a planned activity. We, my two friends and I, just had a wild hair while in Goa to go on a water sports adventure. As scuba diving was included in the package, we decided to give it a try.
Where it all starts!
Well, it all started during the early hours of an October morning. It was a weekend when we prepared to journey towards the blessed waters of Goa to overcome our fear of seas. I know I’m laying it on a bit thick. But for someone who enjoys watching stormy sea videos on YouTube, doesn’t even know how to swim, it was a big deal. But we were in for a big surprise!
You see, in our enthusiasm for getting a steal deal, (just INR 2000 for transport, breakfast, lunch, scuba diving, and five other water sports) we forgot to enquire which beach we were headed to. A cab came to the hotel to pick us. But were quickly transferred to a mini-bus with 30 other people, literally no legroom—my knee was dearly acquainted with the front seat. Our fellow passengers educated us on the fact that we were going on a trip to Malvan, Maharashtra. It is 3-4 hours away from Goa.
After we resigned ourselves to our fate, we somewhat snoozed or listened to music on the way to pass time. But, seeing our final destination we knew we screwed this up big time!
A serious eww moment
Picture this: A rotten fish stench wafts at your face as soon as you get down, you look around to find dead sea creatures. You power through this only to figure that not just the shore is dirty but so is the water. You put one foot in the water only for plastic and other things—things I couldn’t decipher—to cling to your legs like a cat demanding food or more like an anaconda measuring its prey. The sky is filled with birds of prey trying to decide what to choose from their ample buffet. And when we think things can’t get worse, a motorbike zooms over a dead octopus limb sending out a shot of puss. I don’t even know how to describe the gunk that comes out. There’s so much pollution around, I decide to give up plastic for good.
I’m not adding a picture for this! Gross.
And voila, this is the beach we’re going scuba diving in. Kill me already! We somehow put on a brave face and got into boats after the water activities—which is a story for another day—and go towards a deeper side of the sea. At this point, I’m very nervous because I might have drunk the filthy water a few times during the water sports activities. I’m not all that hyped to deep dive into it. And then, there is this small point about visibility in the water. The water isn’t crystal clear, we’re not very sure what to expect.
My first scuba diving experience
After some instructions, a heavy belt is tied around my ribs to keep me in water and I’m about to cry with fear dreading my turn. Then, poof, my vision goes blurry. No, I was not crying. And no, I didn’t blackout or slip and fall into the sea. I just removed my glasses. See this was a minor fact I missed mentioning. I have an eyesight power of minus four point something, both eyes.
So, my already-not-so-splendid experience was about to get crazier. I put on the goggles they give—pfft, like that is going to help me see better—and get into the water. The instructor/guide places the mask and scuba tank giving minimal instructions on how to breathe and sign language because duh, you can’t talk underwater. I don’t even practice for 5 seconds before he dunks me into the water. I swear, the other people got more time to get their breathing even!
My not-so-near-death experience
I’m concentrating only on breathing, taking in air in and out of my mouth and I’m not aware of what’s happening around me. Yes, I was scuba diving without seeing around. Suddenly the instructor points at something and takes my hand to wave. I look that way to see a GoPro Underwater camera, and I wave happily but totally forget to breathe through my mouth. I pull in air through my nose like every other human being and panic when I can’t breathe. So, I show my thumbs-up sign (a sign my instructor said is to show I want to go up) but instead, the cameraman also shows thumbs up thinking I’m posing for the camera.
Spoiler: Just read “The icing on the cake” for visuals.
Only when my body shudders after breathlessness, do they let me up for air! And the first thing my instructor says is, “What madam? You were doing so well.” Forgiving him for not knowing my inner turmoil, I decide to agree when he says to try one more time. This time I pinch my nose with my fingers to give my brain a signal to stop breathing through my nose and go down. I somewhat see a blurred brown substance which when I got back to the boat my friends told me was supposed to be a coral—a dead one according to them.
The icing on the cake
Finally, the nightmare was over! Or that was what I thought. My embarrassment reached new heights when the videos were shared. The video goes something like this: a very dead body is going down in the ocean. Remember that scene in San Andreas movie where the girl drowns? Same, same. Now replace that with me! Complete with body shudders, wailing arms, and a weird thumbs up. That sums up my footage, friends.
I totally agree this was a disaster but, in the end, it was no less fun. Every time my friends and I remember this, we crack up like hyenas doesn’t matter if we’re at a public place or at a cozy restaurant disturbing the other patrons.
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